You know that I am a perfectly sane, refined, good-looking chap, and I'm also quite rich. I do like to mix it up a bit with commoners though, which is why I sometimes slum in Gamestop, a small out of the way gaming market in Venice. It's really like entering a flea market without the fleas. Oh, those pesky beasts! Where else can you save $5 on brand new opened games that are guaranteed never to have been played even though they probably have.
I remember quite vividly walking into a store one time and an employee was hunched over the counter playing a "new" copy of Pokemon White on a "new" DSi. He had even stuck his chewing gum on the case as he played. When I asked if he had any new copies of Pokemon White he said "Um, I don't know". He turned a couple of turns on the tumbler of what looked to be the store safe, opened its vast aperture, vanished inside for a time, then came back empty handed. I could swear almost indutiably that he was also shoving some twenty dollar bills into his pockets as well. In fact there was money swirling all about him. He smirked a bit and said "Did you know that we make so much money here that the very ATOMS of a Gamestop, the smallest building blocks of matter, each contain a little twenty dollar bill?"
The dear old scribbley man than proceeded to take the "new" copy of White out of his "new" DSi, put it in the opened "new" box (after he took his piece of gum off of it and back in his mouth). He seemed to think himself quite clever and said "Here ya go".
I replied "You abhorrent miscreant!" and threw the box at his face. He caught it with one finger. As he balanced it, spinning it upon his fingertip, he casually asked me if I was interested in giving him money for a "Powercard". He explained to me that once I signed up for it, Gamestop would have the POWER to take $15 from me, and I would also get the party propaganda newspaper, Game Informer, which informs its readers on who to vote for (mainly candidates in the anti-pub party). You see, Gamestop hates pubs, or that's what they'd like you to think. I myself have no idea how alcohol enters into this picture.
I then informed the aforesaid miscreant (who looked a bit like a zombie too lazy to shuffle) that I was looking for "The Legend of Heroes". He found the data disk but no box. I replied "Surely, my good man, a box must be found for my UMD, you meager dolt. At this the man repeated the earlier action of opening the store vault, once again stirring up money as he vanished inside. This time I could swear I saw winged $100 bills circle around my head before vanishing as the man returned. This time he simply laughed and clapped to shut the massive door.
What this creature showed me as a "box" was simply the most spectacular wonder I had ever seen. My hair instantly turned white at the grandeur of the beauty of this most word stopping case of them all. I have inserted a picture of it below so you can marvel at it too:
Astounding, isn't it? I know, just sit down and take it all in. I had finally found the monolith that gave man sentience millions of years ago. Yes, the very same monolith that had made Jupiter into a star. I wondered how I might communicate with the intelligence that made this almost perfect rectangle. Was this a sign that I had been chosen. Chosen for what you might ask? Me too. I also began to see other visions, probably instilled in me by the opium I had imbibed during the morning. I began to see the Sandman and music coming from a black Apple Ipodus. I wondered if I could somehow take this material and make machines known as Gundam. I also began to hear an angelic voice singing "Fry day, Fry day, we so excited". It was almost as if a goddess had found a voice.
It was then that I realized I was not in the market of Gamestop, but in Xanadu, Shangri-La, El Dorado. I then began to waken but I did not want to waken. I desperately grasped at the Nintendo DS game boxes but found to my indescribable horror that there were no boxes to grasp, no boxes to grasp. Oh, the horror, the horror..... my god, its full of stars.....
(These were the last recorded thoughts of Lord Byron, Greece, 1836. The poet died from being bled by his doctors. One of the other complicating factors was the constant unstopping motion of his middle finger from pressing the auto-battle button during a week-long marathon of Final Fantasy 13. Within the confines of his dying mind he did envisage the crappiness that has become Gamestop. But did this abomination of gaming originate in his soul or had it already come to pass in the future before he died? Who's to know?)
Sesho
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