In 1982, a Norwegian research team finds a flying saucer buried under the ice in Antarctica that has been there for around 100,000 years. They also find its alien pilot frozen in the ice. Having found one of the most earth-shattering discoveries of all time, they don't inform their government or anyone for that matter. They simply recruit a paleontologist named Kate Lloyd (Mary Winstead) to come and take a look at it. Of course, the team's resident evil scientist, Dr. Sander, can't leave well enough alone, and decides to take a tissue sample from the alien with a power drill and unleashes a can of man eating/absorbing/xenomorphing whoop ass on the whole station!
I'll just say this to get it out in the open: John Carpenter's version of The Thing that came out in 1982 is one of the best movies ever made.
I almost walked out of the theater as they began to insert the power drill into the frozen alien because I couldn't believe that anyone could be that stupid. I mean, these are scientists for god's sake. Surely, they realized there could be microbes on this alien that could wipe out all life on Earth, and yet here they are, sticking it with a craftsman power drill in a totally unquarantined shed! And they're not even wearing gloves or anything. I never did figure out why everybody kissed Sander's ass. He was just the medical officer. He didn't have rank on anyone even though he seemed to think he did.
Enter snowstorm.
Yes, as is usual with any monster movie, the place has to be isolated by a snowstorm just as the monster comes to life, conveniently cutting off all hope of rescue or help. I guess maybe the Thing was a weather wizard. And how come they didnt keep the room where he was housed at FREEZING temperature or below so he wouldn't come busting out of the ice? I mean, how hard would it have been to maintain ice temp in ANTARCTICA?
Something unintentionally funny about the new Thing was the fact that aliens and people had to die in certain poses and places to match up with what was found in the 1982 The Thing. So while I was watching, I was like thinking "oh, that monster has to be killed RIGHT THERE in this certain way as it's doing THIS certain transformation". It was almost like a reenactment you would see on America's Most Wanted.
I don't know why this movie plays up the connection to Dawn of the Dead, which was a quite horrible film. I would be ashamed of it, not proud!
The end of this Thing starts with the beginning of the Thing from 1982 as a alien infected dog runs across the snow, being pursued by a dude shooting from a helicopter. Now, my question is this, how could a dog running in deep snow outrun a helicopter? Why didn't they just fly in front of it, hover, and take some shots? They would have saved Kurt Russell and crew a lot of grief.
Ironically, the lead actress in The Thing, Mary Winstead, ends up being one of the girls who beats the shit out of Kurt Russell in Death Proof. Maybe MacCready's spirit possessed Stuntman Mike in order to take revenge on Winstead.
Winstead does a good job here, reminding me of an attractive Jodie Foster. But she can't hold the film up. It was just too awful. Do yourself a favor, rent or buy the 1982 Thing. Don't waste your money on this one.
My Grade D+
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